It will be challenging to organize all of my thoughts into a coherent report. I’ve never experienced bliss like this before. We were lions (or eagles) at the Theatre of Dreams; we were unquestionably the superior squad, strong in the back and gloriously free and inventive moving forward. We deserved all three points, but doing it in such a unique fashion made it even more memorable. Really, every single one of our boys deserves a 10/10, but it wouldn’t make for good reading!
Bernd Leno
Bernd’s performance today didn’t feel very impressive. In real time, it appeared that he could have done better for United’s goal, and he was also guilty of parrying into the danger zone on other occasions. However, he made a great stop from Garnacho in the first half, extending to his left, and punched effectively from a couple of corners despite being under a lot of pressure. Not Bernd’s best day, but who cares? 6/10
Timothy Castagne
Today’s performance reminded me of Timmy. Very consistent, with perhaps fewer memorable moments than Antonee gives on the opposite wing. He made some fantastic runs down the right side, and as he’s demonstrated numerous times, he picks up extremely clever places, able to underlap as well as overlap. I felt Garnacho had his number in the first half, but for how influential a player he can be, he didn’t have much of an impact after halftime. Timmy Chestnuts is steady, competent, and confrontational, which I believe really accurately describes him. 7.5/10
Tosin
It was a pleasure to watch Tosin and Bassey today, because I believe they are the best combo we have. There were a few difficult moments in possession in the first half, but overall, the big man delivered a commanding effort. His long strides and impressive leap let him to handle with United, whether they were attempting to get in behind him or whipping balls into the box. I have a soft place for Tosin, and I thought he was excellent today. 8/10
I’m your biggest fan and will follow you across the country. God, we’ve missed this dude. Whatever Ajax fans were smoking last season impairs their judgment. This child is extraordinary. He was as solid as his teammate today, but he also hooked up with Jedi beautifully, releasing our roadrunner down the left several times. The finish on his goal was simply ludicrous; weaker foot, on the bounce, and he leathered it. We’ve got a real gem. 9.5/10
Antonee Robinson
I believe a large number of Manchester United fans watched that performance and thought, “Get the chequebook out, Sir Jim, and pay whatever it takes to get him in”. Well, they can piss off; he is ours. It was a flawless Jedi performance, flying down the left side. Especially since none of his crosses appeared to work, but eventually, for every terrible cross, he does five other fantastic things. He was fantastic, and United had no success down his flank. 8/10
Sasa Lukic
We apologize, Sasa, on behalf of the entire fan community. We all wondered if he had the minerals to fill Palhinha’s boots, and he emphatically answered that question. From the first crunching tackle he made early on to the exquisite composure and movement he offered on the ball, the Serb delivered a true masterclass. I sincerely hope that this serves as a springboard for him to join our squad. 9.5/10
Harrison Reed
Our terrier. If it comes down to him or Mainoo for England, give me our ginger Iniesta. He performed exactly what we all expected: he covered every blade of grass, made every tackle, got battered and bruised, and always came out with the ball. In a season in which he has slipped to the sidelines, it was refreshing to watch a vintage Harrison performance on the grandest platform. 9/10
Andreas Pereira
Andreas played well in his former stomping ground, one of his best games of the season. He played a significant role in breaking through the United Nations lines and propelling us forward. The final ball felt lacking, as it always does, but he didn’t put on his Houdini act; he was continuously involved and making things happen. His corner set up the opening goal, albeit I believe it was more due to Bassey’s brilliance than a solid ball into the box. Still a very excellent shift. 7.5/10
